….when she can’t do what she wants. When it doesn’t go to plan. When she is trying a new thing and she doesn’t like the outcome; she’s so competitive, that’s the problem. Why does she have to be so competitive, I mean what’s that all about, why can’t she just be content with being shit? Perhaps she needs someone to beat the competitiveness out of her, make her see that life isn’t about winning, it’s about loosing.
Perhaps she needs to loose more. Looser.
I’m at the dentist.
I hoped the pain would go away, but no.
My system diagnostics have detected an anomaly in the lower jaw, left hand side.
My central processing unit is recieving a constant reminder that something isn’t as it should be.
Constant!
Seriously, I got the message the first time. I’ll see to it, you can stop with the constant reminder. I’ll go, I promise.
Actually, I lie, I’m real busy, this is an inconvenience. If the pain stops, I’m outa here.
I’ve got more important things to do other than take care of my health, business, children, the world.
It’s so dark.
I can hear things, I can see things, I can feel reality (I think) but I am not part of it.
I’m here, in the same room; I can hear you speak, see your lips move but I don’t know what you are saying.
There’s something wrong with my processor.
My input devices are all ok, I think.
It’s my head, I’m sorry, I’m trying; it’s so dark.
So, back to work tomorrow, or is it the next day, I can’t remember what I agreed with my boss.
Would anyone notice if I didn’t turn up, would she notice?
Do I actually do anything during those 9.5 repetitious and monotonous hours that is making a difference to the company or to humanity?
Perhaps the things I do at work are actually detrimental to humanity, I’d never thought about that before.
I’m not making WMD’s or anything, but if I’m not actively making things better for humankind, surely I’m making things worse?
Is this one of those things where there is no middle ground. You’re either a benefit or a drag? Shit, I’ve not thought about that before, I’m a drag, a leach on society, perpetuating the dysfunctional system.
Perhaps I should change careers to a more beneficial one? or….
Perhaps I can purchase some ‘offset’ benefit on the internet. That’s what I’ll do tomorrow, when I go to work, I’ll purchase some benefit offset.
WTF….
It’s not until you are in a position to notice, that you notice how fucked up the whole Christmas thing is; the list of what’s wrong with it is endless.
OK, I’m depressing myself now. I love Christmas actually, I love the warm feeling it brings in your heart. I love getting the present just right, so I see that look of surprise on my loved ones’ faces. I love the cooking, the creation of a great meal accompanied by a fantastic wine, the smells, the flavours. the log fire and the Christmas tunes.
I’ve learned to step back from most of the commercial aspect of Christmas and concentrate on the family and the love. It took me a while and it’s only possible now, with the amazing partner I have who totally supports the concept of ‘just enough’. Just enough to make it special, not too much as to make it fake, false and sickening. She is what I am most thankful for at Christmas… I hope she knows it.
TheFreeRangeSlug 